This is a Tribute, to the dear Father of our Three Daughters.
Sadly, he died last year, after a valiant fight against Pancreatic Cancer.
As many of you will know that I have been very happily re-married to Darling Trubes for 21 years and he has been a wonderful Step-Daddy to the Three Girls, and a 'Fab' Grandpa to our three grandchildren.
Michael and I divorced 26 years ago. On reflection, we married far too young, but people did marry a lot younger then. We had had always been in touch, particularly on special Family occasions. We had a courteous relationship he too, re-married and was very happy in that relationship.
It hit home to me, how we all missed him, when, the extended family, attended Darling Olivia'`s second birthday celebrations. Although he was desperately ill, last year, he strugggled to attend her first birthday party.
Sadly he died a few weeks later.
Michael was the only son of a guy called Chris Christianson, who was a Flight Lieutenant in The Royal Canadian Airforce during WW2. His Family still live in Calgary on the West side of Canada.
He was 'shot down' over Holland and sadly, didn't get to meet his only son. Michael was born after his Father died. Chris was 22 years of age ....so young ....so sad.
My song is to you. Michael.
There were Bells on a Hill,
but I never heard them at all,
No I never heard them at all,
'Til' there was you.
Rest in Peace...Mike..
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How sad.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad that you kept up good relations with him. I'm sure your daughters are glad of that too.
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYes Kevin.
ReplyDeleteI worked very hard to maintain a good relationship with him. In the early years it was a bit fraught, at times, but we all grow older and wiser. Bitterness is,in my humble opinion, counter productive.
I amazed myself at the overwhelming feelings of grief that I had when he died.
We were only married for 12 years and DT and I, as you know have been married for 21 years later on this year.
It's only recently that I've been able to play 60's and 70's records.
Needless to say DT has been a 'tower of strength' to us all during this sad time and I love him all the more for it .
Di.xx
Trubes; Condolences; that's all we can say, but we know how you must feel as we lost a family member a few months ago to that same condition. Sad but true, but time heals...
ReplyDeleteWhat a lovely tribute and so glad you were able to keep up a courteous relationship for the sake of your daughters. And, you did love him all those years ago.
ReplyDeleteJust read your post about "Tilly Mint." Found it tres amusant - my older sister treats me the same way.
Bless you Trubes. What a very touching tribute to a special man in your life.
ReplyDeleteI still have struggles with my ex,
(mainly because he keeps chosing partners who can't cope with my daughter even though she doesn't see him that often. And she (my Girl) is such a fine human being, I simply can't understand it. Real Cinderella stuff. He keeps whispering to our Girl conspiratorialy that they mustn't upset X or Y because she is sensitive. Recently, he asked me to "Hide" because the mother of his second daughter was coming around and she would be distressed to see me (they broke up 3 years ago!) My Girl has lived with this from her Dad since she was 9 and it is in part my fault because I left him, before he drove me completely nuts. I think he is nuts, and I think he likes women on the edge of nuts who then fall right over into totally, utterly bonkers)
but I would be HORRIBLY bereaved if he died. He has many, many fine qualities, he gave me a beautiful, wise and loving daughter, and I have known and loved him for 26 years.
Trubes, I am so sorry for your loss. How can you not be deeply bereaved? Give yourself time.
Hugs x
That must have been quite difficult to write - you are made of strong stuff. It sounds like you handled a very difficult set of circumstances with grace.
ReplyDeleteoh trubes...how it must it must be...the emotions of loving someone enough to marry and have children...then the separation and finally what sounds like acceptance on both parts...you should feel lucky that you were able to come full circle...not all of us are afforded that opportunity in life...you are truly an amazing woman!
ReplyDeleteSad time Trubes - hang in there and take your time eh?
ReplyDeleteleslie:
ReplyDeleteThankyou for your kind words.
Yes I did love Michael with allmy heart when we married, we were only young I was 21 years of age and he was 23 years of age.
There was a lot of opposition to our marriage as we were of different religions.
On reflection, the more the opposition, the more headstrong I was.
That's not to say that the Marriage may not have been Happy but, we had so many obstacles to overcome, that after 12 years, the situation was untenable.
I think I have told you more about the failed relationship on one of your and one of Elle's posts, a few weeks ago.
Glad you liked the Tilly Mint post!
Di.xx
G.G and Him said..
ReplyDeleteThank you both for your kindness.
it's amazing how insensitive some people were towards me when he died.
Offering pointless platitudes, such as, "Nevermind you've were lucky to have met DT".
Or another one... "I don't know why you're so upset, you divorced him,years ago".
Some people totally ignored his 'passing away' and didn't even mention it.
Needless to say these people are no longer on my Christmas Card list!
I must say,that, by writing this post, it has been a great source of comfort to me.
I am very grateful for all the kind words expressed by my friends here.
Di.xx
Lilith:
ReplyDeleteYou are so kind. I know things havn't been good for you too.
I hope with all my heart that things settle down with you and your ex, as they did for me.
It took a couple of weddings, one divorce and a few grandchildren, to put things in true perspective.
All seems well now, as, I'm sure, will be for you too, soon.
Love to all at 'Chez Lils'.
Di.xx
Blue Eyes:
ReplyDeleteThank you for your kind words.
Yes, it was a difficult piece to write and I nearly deleted it.
I shall be eternally grateful to Michael, because without him I would'nt have our Three wonderful, loving Daughters.
Darling Trubes loves them dearly too.
Michael once told DT how grateful he was to him in helping me raise the 'girls'. I wouldn't have said, that they would ever had been 'bosom buddies', but they always chatted quite amicably on meeting at special Family occasions.
Di.xx
Daisy Darling :
ReplyDeleteThank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words..You're pretty amazing too!
It has been so theraputic, being able to write this piece.
I know time does heal.
Really, my main thoughts are with the 'girls', as the 1st. Anniversary approaches.
DT and I will look after the Babies when they go to the Memorial Site, on the day.
Again, Thank you my friend.
Di.xx
Scroblene:
ReplyDeleteThank you too my dear friend, you are very kind and i appreciate your words.
Di.xx
Gods, trubes, theres a song that talks of "You never know what you've got until its gone" or some similar lyric. You and he sound to have done the most decent of things; being there for your sprogs.
ReplyDeleteRIP Michael.
I am so sorry for your Loss. time does indeed heal all wounds.
ReplyDeleteMy Uncle Merv. served in the RAF during the battle of Britian. He passed away with the same type of Cancer 15 years ago.
I still have a few issues with my Ex. but for the Mermaids sake. I have been trying to bury the hatchet.
Email me some time.
Don
Hi Tusc:
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind comments. The 'Girls' have all grown up into fine young women.
I used to feel very guilty about ending the Marriage because of how they would miss their Father.
They have all, individually, assured me that I made the right decision at that time, even pointing out, how incompatable we would have been, had we stayed together.
Happily, we both got it right the second time around.
My heart goes out to his wife Rita, who, I know, is struggling at present.
Hope all are well and happy at Tuscan Turrets.
Di.xx
Old Tarf:
ReplyDeleteHello Don, my Friend.
It is better to be on amicable terms with 'ex's' for the very reason, of the children feeling torn, between their two feuding parents.
I've had my moments of bitterness especially over maintenance payments.
Then, in the 'proverbial', I said "Sod it", and went back to the profession for which I was trained and didn't look back.
In the end I waived the maintenance payments altogether, as I believed he needed the money more than I.
Needless to say,
Darling Trubes, was a tower of strength in helping raise and
funding the 'Girls', during their
'educational' years, and after.
Still is now, if the truth be but known!
Middle Daughter has just announced she's getting married next year..Yikes...more money out of the not so, 'bottomless pot'.
I have a feeling that the youngest will be following suit shortly after too....Double Yikes...
I think we'll both have to find some kind paid employment....then ..again...I don't think either of us have any skills now, in the 'City' or elsewhere.
Maybe I'll get down to writing
that book!
Any ideas ?
Hope Merms, Mrs OT and your good self, are still having fun and enjoying your time together.
Di.xx,
Hey Trubes...
ReplyDeleteGetting there eh? Thought you probably would.
Weddings are difficult when funds are tight.
Simple tip...keep it simple. Or, if they've been together for some time, that's fine, and they'll do it their way.
Just been through all this, and as I had to do the speech as proud dad, it came home to me how things have changed since Mrs S had to endure my Groom's mutter all those years ago.
I like the tone of your later posts/responses; it's clear that you are looking in front now, and that's a good sign!
My old Dad used to say that you had to 'get the funeral out of the way as quickly as possible'.
Sounds harsh, but closure like that becomes final and a chequered flag and a few pints says it all.
Also, you seem to know a lot about how other people feel, like Lils (bless her) for instance. Shows compassion that, and I admire your sentiments to the core!
You call by any time and I'll bore you for ages on how the tomatoes are just forming their second leaves...
Sxxx
What a lovely, thoughtful post trubes. You're just the sort of person that would touch people's lives with kindness like that & even though you & Michael divorced I am not surprised that you had a good relationship even after that.
ReplyDeleteHi Scrobs:
ReplyDeleteYou are so right, I am getting through this, I see the 'light at the end of the tunnel'.
Maybe I should have written about Michael before now, however it's done now so, looking forward to the next chapters of life!
There's been a lot of deeply touching responses and I am deeply touched by them all.
You are right , I am very much in touch with 'other peoples feelings'.
I also think, wisdom comes with age, as I've had such a full and chequered life I think I can empathise and draw parallels with others.
Di.xx
Hello Merms: Lovely to hear from you, glad you liked the posT. It is an emotional time. I think the'Girls', are in a way, looking forward to the 1st Anniversary (closure) but probably dreading the emotional aspects of it.
ReplyDeleteMichael was a great 'model maker' and used to build boats and planes and even a helicopter that could fly.
They all used troop off to the local parkland on the Earl of Knowsley's Estate and launch some sucessful, some not !
His last model wasn't completed so the 'youngest daughter' is furiously try to construct it so that they can launch it on his anniversary.
More of that later, I don't doubt !
Love Di.xx
Killemalletgodsortemout:
ReplyDeleteWelcome to my blog and thank you for your lovely words and kind condolences.
DT is a very special man and is the 'Anchor Block' of the family.
Any problems, the first 'port of call' is DT.
He has the wisdom of Methusula and if crossed, the strength of Sampson. I mean that(metaphorically), as he's a very passive man !
That's given me an idea about my next post after I complete the Travel one, that I am writing, an idea I came across whilst writing on
Mermaid's blog site today.
Yes KMGSO: TB is a 'Top Bloke' and after all the travails of late, I love him all the more.
Di.
Condolences.
ReplyDeleteYay ! 27th.
ReplyDeleteSincere condolences, Trubes.
ReplyDeleteA Resident of the Lakes.
ReplyDeleteThank you my friend, good to hear from you.
I am so grateful for all the kind comments posted here, including yours.
Even though I divorced Michael, all those years ago, I still cared about him and wished him well, as did DT.
I am just in the process of writing some more for my next post, so should be finished soon.
Hope you and your good lady are well and wering plenty of 'woolies ' in the Lakes.
I'm planning a little trip for us next week to visit Tarn Hows again.
You know how much we love the Inn at Whitewell in the Trough of Bowland, Lacashire, is there in your opinion, a similar Inn on a
par with it.
We usually take a picnic when we visit the Lakes but the idea of a hot lunch in an ol Country inn is very appealing at present in this less than clement weather.
Di.xx
Resident OTL:
ReplyDeleteOops...Typo. I meant too say wearing not 'wering', said in true Scouseland talk.... er..erm ya know whar I mean like...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteA lovely tribute, Trube. I love that song and it says it all. Thinking of you ....
ReplyDeleteHello Trubes,
ReplyDeleteI can certainly recommend The Drunken Duck Inn at Ambleside for its location and food (though I haven't stayed there.) It's described as:
"Perfectly situated within a few minutes drive of Tarn Hows"
and you can find it on the internet here
It even has its own micro brewery on site - wonderful!
Booking for the restaurant is recommended. Have fun!
Trubes:
ReplyDeleteIf that link doesn't work, type in:
www.drunkenduckinn.co.uk
into your browser.
Resident of the Lakes...
ReplyDeleteI'm sure I've been there before, a few years gone by or was it the Dungeon Gill? I can't quite remember.
It was in the days when I used to do a lot of walking in the Lakes. Thanks for the info though, will let you know how we get along. It's only for a day trip so will probably have a bar lunch, but can 'sus' it out as a future overnight venue.
Lovely day here DT has cut the lawns and jet hosed the patio area down in readiness for an invasion from Surrey of our Daughter, husband and darling Molly and Fredddie on the May Bank Holiday.
Di.xx
Hello Welshcakes:
ReplyDeleteThankyou for your kind words they are much appreciated.
I always felt that Lennon and McCartney were wonderful lyricists.
Being a 'Liverpool Lass', I suppose, one would expect such sentiments from these quarters!
We were 'slap-bang' in the middle of the Beatles Era, they were heady days in Liverpool.
Something else I must write about....So much to do...
Just popping over to your site for my daily read..
Di.xx
Hi Trubes *waves*
ReplyDeleteSorry to hear of your sadness.
May day hols? Might get away :-) but I have two essays to do and the whole house looks like a bomb site. I've decided to just get away and take my work with me, after all books can travel so easily :-) Hope you are feeling better and well x
Hi Phillipa:
ReplyDeleteGood to hear from you and thank you, for your kind words.
I'm feeling a lot better now,
thanks to the steroids, apart from bouncing of the walls and having a big fat Gerbil face, the treatment seems to be working.
The steroids are being gradually reduced, so, the BFG face will gradually reduce....
Oh what the hell, it beats being driven mad by the itching.
I do hope you get away in May It's usually a good month, weather wise.
Good luck with the Essays.
I'm brushing up on my French as we're off to Antibes in June.
Love to you and the children,pets etc.
Di.xx
Antibes!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYou've just reminded me of a conversation I had with a relative today about going away in the van. I took the children away in the van last year, on my own, for the first time, and was so excited about achieving this. You see I can't just pay and fly off somewhere and be waited on and the beds made - we can't afford that. So I'm relating this conversation which was on the playground in answer to 'where are you going on holiday this year?' - one mum said 'we're going to Florida again - the kids like it' (as if it's tiresome but hey it keeps the kids happy), another mum said 'it's my husbands 40th so we're going to New York' and it came to my turn..... 'I'm taking the caravan to Stourport, I'm so excited and the children are really looking forward to it'.
No wonder people look at me as if I'm from another planet - Pippy and her Fortean Times *shrugs*
I expect pictures Trubes, for for the poor people :-)
Phillipa: I would dearly love a Caravan but can't get DT interested. I love 'Rustic' styled holidays.
ReplyDeleteWe are staying in a rented apartment in the middle of town. It has a wonderful little terrace that looks over the roof tops and down to the sea.
I don't much like hotels and like to dwell simply in the enviroment in which we are staying, shopping at the wonderful market and dining in the lovely little reasturants, of which there are loads, most reasonably priced.
Ignore the 'sniffy playground posers'. They are probably shallow airheads.
I used to come across them when I was a single mum ..and hey, how my life changed when I met DT. Then, I could stick two fingers up at them.
Your young Prince will be along on his 'dashing white charger', one day Pippy! Believe me!
You are marvellous being able to do all you do with the children,so hold your head up high and be proud, my friend.xx
Di.xx
Oh gosh I am sorry. It feels a bit odd to make my first visit when you are feeling sad.
ReplyDeleteI too married very young (at 21) and was divorced shortly afterwards (we had one daughter). I kept in touch with my ex for years (we were married for ages because neither of us had the heart to divorce) but then he met someone else who didn't want his past to be part of his current life and I have not spoken to him in a few years. He too has been rather ill (I hear obviously through my daughter) and I felt very sad earlier this year when it was his birthday and I knew I could not chat to him.
Reading what you wrote made me wonder whether I should make the effort to get back in touch. But then again that risks upsetting his new wife - and really it would just be for me - so maybe not. Tricky.
I am really sorry for your loss but you are rightly glad that you kept in touch.
RB i may be speaking out of turn here but one life lesson i have learned is when you feel something very strongly there is a reason...perhaps his wife is a bit overwhelmed, as sometimes is the case when a love one is ill for a long period, and may have no one at the moment and would look forward to your call...perhaps your ex has things to say to you...the point is...you don't know that the contact is just for you...and honestly she should be more secure by now in their relationship...maybe in the beginning it was an issue but i would think it would have faded a bit by now...i would call, just once...but would call...
ReplyDeleteTrubes - thank you :-) I'm not peeved at the 'haves' though and the mum who went to New York is an absolute darling and helped me unstintingly when I was ill - it's just that they cannot appreciate the little excitements we have because their lives are so different. It's reassuring to witness good marriages like hers and be reminded they do exist. As you say, maybe they might exist for me one day.. but then I catch myself wondering and feel it's better to just forget about that sort of happiness. My son asked me if there was anyone I wanted to marry last night as they'd quite like a new daddy. The things children say..!
ReplyDeleteRB - in my experience Daisy always gives good advice.
Hello Reluctant Blogger and welcome to my site;
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words, sorry your 'innitiation' was on a note of sadness.
However, if you have the time to browse you'll, hopefully, find some more light hearted stuff.
My first site True Blue,(access via my profile), has some amusing little anecdotes,(well, I think they are amusing), that I have shared with my Blogging Chums.
On reflection, I think the sadness I feel, about the loss of my ex is more intertwined with the grief our 3 Darling Daughters are enduring.
With regard to your 'ex', I am in agreement with Phillipa on that issue too.
Daisy is a very wise lady and gives out good advice.
I too, would get 'in touch, I was so glad I saw my 'ex' that last time, and I believe , he was glad to see me and DT too.
I have several more cheerful things to write about but, seem to have 'writers block', at the moment.
Anyway, lovely to have your comments on my blog.
Di.
Hi Phillipa : i hope i didn' offend your friend. I can remember being p....d of with 'Showy Offy' Mums on the Playground.
ReplyDeleteI was really impoverished then and was up to my ears in mortgage arrears, thus, didn't have a car or holidays for a couple of years. However, all that changed when I got myself 'together' again.
You do sound a lot more grounded and sensible now than I was back in the dark, early days of my divorce.
I really must get on with something a little more cheery, particularly, as it's piddling down with rain at present.
Even Chloe, the cat, has put herself to bed underneath a quilt!
Hope you have a good weekend with your Children and the 'blessed' sun shines!
Di.xx
Hello Reluctant Blogger and welcome to my site;
ReplyDeleteThanks for your kind words, sorry your 'innitiation' was on a note of sadness.
However, if you have the time to browse you'll, hopefully, find some more light hearted stuff.
My first site True Blue,(access via my profile), has some amusing little anecdotes,(well, I think they are amusing), that I have shared with my Blogging Chums.
On reflection, I think the sadness I feel, about the loss of my ex is more intertwined with the grief our 3 Darling Daughters are enduring.
With regard to your 'ex', I am in agreement with Phillipa on that issue too.
Daisy is a very wise lady and gives out good advice.
I too, would get 'in touch, I was so glad I saw my 'ex' that last time, and I believe , he was glad to see me and DT too.
I have several more cheerful things to write about but, seem to have 'writers block', at the moment.
Anyway, lovely to have your comments on my blog.
Di.
Hey Trubes - didn't see any offence, just support :-)
ReplyDeleteBelieve me I've had the sniffy stuck-up types who've made difficult days worse in their selfishness and lack of kindness; one I remember I approached as I knew their home business had a website and I wanted to ask if they had used a company to design it or what software they used if they had done it themselves. I said Hi, cheery smile, and asked if she had a minute to answer a quick question? In the middle of a packed playground she looked me up and down and pronounced 'er, no' then turned away. I was left looking at her back feeling totally embarassed. To make matters worse her spoiled brat of a son asked me what it was about (in a voice that expected to be answered) I replied with a smile that 'it was about computers dear', 'what about computers?' he enquired, 'about the internet' I answered as his mother watched in silence and I walked away, through the audience.